In an age shaped by hot takes, comment threads, and quick exits, we have forgotten how to disagree well. Too often, disagreement is treated as disloyalty. Someone else’s view is no longer just another view, instead it becomes a threat. A secondary issue becomes a dividing wall, and before long, distance replaces dialogue. But healthy communities are not built on uniformity of opinion. They are built on shared allegiance to Christ, patient love, and a commitment to remain at the table even when we see things differently.
Where Do We Disagree?
Christians disagree in many areas – Theological nuances (for example, perspectives influenced by leaders like John Calvin or John Wesley), Worship styles and church traditions, Political engagement and public policy, Leadership decisions and ministry direction and Personal convictions on disputable matters
Some disagreements involve core doctrines—the person of Christ, the authority of Scripture, the gospel itself. These are foundational. But many disagreements live in the category Scripture itself treats as disputable matters. The Apostle Paul addressed such tensions in the church in Rome, urging believers not to quarrel over secondary issues but to welcome one another as Christ has welcomed them.
Not every disagreement is a reason for division. And certainly not every disagreement is grounds for excommunication.
Disagreement Is Not Betrayal
We must recover this truth: disagreement is not betrayal.
When someone sees a secondary issue differently, it does not automatically mean they are compromising the gospel. Often, it simply means they are thinking, wrestling, and applying Scripture in good conscience.
Excommunication in the New Testament is reserved for serious, unrepentant sin that threatens the moral and doctrinal integrity of the church—not for differing interpretations of non-essential matters. When we elevate preferences to the level of essentials, we shrink the body of Christ down to people who think exactly like we do.
That is not unity. That is control.
The Spiritual Value of Staying
There is something deeply spiritual about staying in one place long enough to disagree well.
When we remain in committed community—rather than walking away at the first tension—we are forced to grow. Staying exposes our pride. It confronts our impatience. It teaches us humility.
You cannot practice patience in isolation. You cannot learn forgiveness without friction. You cannot develop gentleness without being provoked.
Spiritual maturity is often forged in the slow work of staying.
The early church was not made up of identical personalities and perspectives. It included Jews and Gentiles, wealthy and poor, former Pharisees and former pagans. They brought different histories, assumptions, and instincts. Yet they were called to one table.
The miracle was not that they agreed on everything. The miracle was that they stayed.
Presence Produces Depth
In a transient culture, commitment is countercultural. When we constantly move on—church to church, group to group, relationship to relationship—we never develop the resilience required for deep unity.
Being planted in one place allows:
- Trust to grow slowly
- Misunderstandings to be clarified
- Character to be revealed over time
- Shared history to anchor relationships
Quick exits produce shallow roots. But rootedness produces fruit.
There is also accountability in remaining. When you stay, people know you. They see your strengths and your blind spots. And you see theirs. Over time, love matures beyond idealism into something sturdier and more Christlike.
It Depends on “How Fast I Am”
You mentioned, “But it also depends on how fast I am.” That’s an insightful line.
Some of us are quick thinkers. Quick speakers. Quick reactors. We form opinions rapidly and express them confidently. But relational maturity often requires us to slow our pace.
Being “fast” is not always a virtue in disagreement.
- Fast to speak can mean slow to understand.
- Fast to judge can mean slow to love.
- Fast to leave can mean slow to grow.
James tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Disagreeing well is not about winning quickly; it is about loving faithfully.
The question is not merely, “How sharp is my argument?”
It is, “How Christlike is my posture?”
Practicing Disagreement Well
So how do we disagree well in a way that strengthens rather than fractures community?
- Distinguish essentials from preferences. Not every hill is worth dying on.
- Assume good faith. Start with the belief that your brother or sister is seeking to honor Christ.
- Listen before responding. Seek to understand their reasoning fully.
- Stay relationally engaged. Refuse to withdraw affection because of disagreement.
- Keep the gospel central. Unity is rooted in Christ, not in identical opinions.
A Witness to the World
When believers remain unified despite differences, we bear witness to something supernatural. The world knows how to divide. It does not know how to stay.
Disagreeing well displays the patience of Christ. It reflects the humility of Christ. It embodies the reconciling power of Christ.
Uniformity is easy. Unity is costly.
But when we commit to one another—when we stay, listen, forgive, and love—we demonstrate that our bond is deeper than preference. It is rooted in the One who held together people vastly different from one another and called them His body.
In the end, the goal is not to eliminate disagreement. It is to redeem it.
And that work takes time.
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